All of a sudden! there i was. surrounded on all sides. the angry mob of pepole i had conned out of their life savings was closing in on all sides when suddenly-

Wait. ill get to that part in a minute. my story begins as many other stories do.

I woke up in total darkness. I always wake up in darkness now. I have become nocturnal. Completely and absolutely nocturnal. So nocturnal that there is no light at all coming from anything. That freakin dark. Damn it. I forgot to mention, my name is Nick Syte. That will not realy have any use seeing how I will just call myself 'I' throughout this entire story.

"Nick, we really shouldve had you checked out sooner. this isnt healthy for you"

"Call me 'I'. It will make narrating this clear and easier at some point in the near future."

"No."

"What?"

"Hmm?"

"Huh?"

"I dont understand."

"That's what Im saying."

"I will not call you 'I'"

"WHAT? WHY?"

"I AM NOT FUCKING CALLING YOU 'I'!"

"you just did call me like 12 times"

At this point it should be noted we were in the car on the way to the doctor's office to figure out my nocturnalness. my father (who was in the car with us) suddenly starting sobbing uncontrollably at this point in the conversation.

Later in the doctor's office...

"are you sure Doctor Peaches?"

"i am quite sure. the tests confirm my diagnosis 100%. Nick-"

"call me 'I'"

"Jesus christ no one is calling you 'I'"

"whats all this?"

"i want everyone to call me 'I' to make retelling this story easier"

"i dont really see how that would-"

"just do it."

"doctor if you start calling him 'I' I will lose all respect for you"

"no I wont"

"Im not fucking talking about you"

"you just said my name though"

"AHEM! lets just...get...on with this. 'I'is- am blind"